i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize