i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and she was petting her beer can
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
