i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
