I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
