There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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