sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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