chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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