this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
