i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
