If i come over, it means nothing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
