I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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