epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
