The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
