You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
