how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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