You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
zippers are such a cool invention
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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