Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
