btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
