Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
