Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
