we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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