What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
