sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
