Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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