You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
