Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
