Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
