no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
