laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
