We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
