apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There r osticjed everywhere
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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