ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
