you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
