I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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