You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize