Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
