The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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