we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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