i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
