Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
