the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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