It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
