Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
