how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
