At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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