I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
