but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
