he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
