He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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