the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
