Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize