Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
