So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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