I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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