why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
