i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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