Do you still have your period?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
