im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This couple is walking their pig around campus
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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