and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
