In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
