And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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