some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
