the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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