What did we do last night that was yellow?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
