video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
