Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize