I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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