Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize