She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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