He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
